Just a reminder . . .

To keep the ones you hold near and dear to your heart close, you never know when that dreaded phone call is going to come and shatter the world down around you. Death is something that I haven't had to deal with too much in my lifetime, I've known several people that have passed away, but only the passing of my Grandpa truly affected me in a way that I can't describe. And that was almost fifteen years ago right after I turned eighteen.

It's been a pretty rough week! Telling the kids was harder than we thought it would be too! Joe was doing pretty well until he told them, I swear it was the saddest thing ever! Kaitie's not taking it very well, Jakob on the other hand . . . well, that's a whole other story. First of all I know he has no clue what death is all about. His reaction didn't surprise me at all, but I'm glad we were the only ones to witness that. He went outside immediately then came back and told us that he was running away. He told us that he was tired of this family! We got preoccupied and didn't even realize that Jakob did leave, we realized he was gone when he showed back up at the front door . . . he DID run away, well up the street anyway then decided to come back home.

Then it dawned on me that Jakob did what he saw in the movie "My Girl" . . . he's been watching this movie almost daily. Remember Vada Sultenfuss and Thomas J ran away and hid up in the tree? Maybe I should give Jakob more credit about what he knows about death, remember that Thomas J dies in this movie too! Anyways, not sure what's going to happen in the days to come. We've still not been told how long he's been given. All we do know is that it's too far progressed and there isn't any treatments that can be done anyways. My FIL told Joe that he's ready and won't be fighting this. This totally breaks my heart . . . you would think he'd fight for the ones he's leaving behind! And being so far away from them makes it even harder.

I spoke with my MIL the other day, she told me the he's not going back to the Dr.'s and is just going to take each day as it comes. I think the hardest thing right now for me watching Joe lose his Dad . . . we've had our issues in the past with Joe's parents and there's been a lot of lost years and a ton of memories not shared with us, with the kids, we've been close for close to four years now, but I guess regret and lots of blame is setting in. I know I can't change the past, we knew this day would eventually come, but death is just really hard for me to deal with. I've not lost my parents, but I watched how hard it was on my Mom to lose her Dad . . . so she and anyone else who has lost a parent knows how Joe feels. To make things a little worse, Joe is a Jr., he was named after his Dad and they share the same Birthday.

So, for his sake . . . we too will take it one day at a time!